If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
