we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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