this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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