i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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