he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
