Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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