I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
