my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
