Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
