y did u give ur computer a hand job?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
