The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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