I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize