girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
