I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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