Three words: puerto rican gang bang
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
