Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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