I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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