I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
