And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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