i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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