thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
