i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
