im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
