btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just cropdusted the office
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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