If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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