my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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