I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
