it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
