Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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