I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
