Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
