why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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