The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
