hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
