So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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