i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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