ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
