I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
