I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize