I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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