I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
