I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize