Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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