What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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