just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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