did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do herpes really smell.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
