you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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