Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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