After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
