She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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