Please, let me fuck your mom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
