I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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