Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
