you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
