its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dick very happy bro
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
