I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
