I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
