So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
