I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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