Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
