She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
