Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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