Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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