He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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