Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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