i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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