I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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