Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
