Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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