At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
